As the end of the year rapidly approaches many sophomores are preparing to say good-bye to Emory not just for the summer but for an entire semester after that. For many, the prospect of saying good-bye to roommates, friends, and boyfriends/girlfriends for the next 8 months may be stressful, traumatic, and tense. Additionally, there may be an element of anxiety and uncertainty about how relationships may change in this time span. What if my boyfriend goes abroad and meets another girl? What if my best friend leaves and forgets all about me? Or even, what if when I get back, everyone has moved on and forgotten about me? These fears are common but often a simple discussion is the best way to hash out what these next 8 months will mean and how you plan to stay connected with the people you love while you or they (or both) are abroad.

Although the thought of not seeing your closest friends for a semester may be traumatic at first there are still many ways to maintain the friendships and to keep each other updated on your lives. Maybe create a LL conference with your group of friends (both abroad and staying at Emory) so you can easily keep everyone in the know. Mass e-mails may feel impersonal but when you don’t have daily DUC conversations to look forward to, this is often a good alternative. For both those going abroad and staying at Emory, junior year offers a great opportunity to make new friends and develop new relationships. While being “left behind” may seem more difficult at first, those staying at Emory can look to other social groups to develop new relationships. Joining new clubs, spending more time with friends from classes or a greek organization may be ways to broaden your social circle for the rest of your Emory experience.

For those of you concerned about your romantic relationship abroad it is important to sit down and have a serious conversation before anyone leaves the country for their foreign adventures. It is crucial to establish beforehand what your “status” is so that no one is hurt or confused by the situation down the road. Many couples choose to take a break while abroad while others decide it is best for them to stay together. It is up to each individual couple to decide what works best for them but it is important to be realistic about the situation. Communication and finding time to connect is inevitably going to be more difficult. Between time zone differences, differing schedules and difficulties with internet/phone services it is likely that the time you are able to speak with one another will be limited. Expectations must be adjusted to reflect the new realities of the situation. If staying together is the right decision for you, honesty and trust are key. Whether you decide to take a break or stay together it is crucial to establish what your expectations are and what is and isn’t acceptable while you two are apart.

            Once you have discussed all of this there are several ways to keep in touch. For those of you not already in the know, skype is your best friend while abroad. Skype is a free downloadable service similar to AIM or other messenger services. Skype allows you not only to “chat” but also to call any other skype member online through your computer to their computer anywhere in the world. You can also use skype to call cell phones or landlines for a far cheaper rate. There are also similar programs through yahoo messenger and google talk. Although it takes more work out of the country, there are still ways to talk even when you’re 10,849 miles apart.

            Going abroad offers the chance for mind-expanding experiences and often opens your eyes to the world in a way that is not possible in any other circumstance. For those that stay at Emory, junior year is a great time to make new friends and see a different side of the social scene, which may benefit you for the rest of your Emory career. Although the anxiety accompanying this junior transition may initially seem rough, honesty and communication may help to ease the situation. 

We recieved this dilemma on our gmail account. Please keep them coming!

Q: My roommate’s boyfriend practically lives in our house and does his laundry and showers here. My roommates and I don’t know how to address the situation because it affects our water bill and we are all paying for it. What should we do?

            Living off campus has its ups and downs.  While you are free from the candle and microwave restrictions of the dorms, living with friends is not always easy.  Dealing with an unplanned roommate, like a boyfriend or girlfriend of one of your roommates, is definitely among the most challenging situations of off-campus life.  Whether this “extra” roommate is increasing your monthly utility bill or dominating couch space, you can get very irritated.  It makes sense that you would feel both frustrated and confused about this situation.  It is not fair that you have to absorb the costs of someone else’s intake.  On the other hand, roommate spats are delicate matters because you don’t want to create tension.  It is obvious that this issue is really bothering you and might even be effecting your relationship with your roommate, class work, or personal relationships. 

One option you can exercise is to just try to ignore the problem. This may leave you smoldering with increasing frustration and short of cash or you might just “get over it.”  Another avenue which you can take is to approach your roommate about your concerns.  This might seem like a scary prospect. What if I get flustered and can’t articulate what I mean? What if it turns into a screaming match? Something that might be helpful in quelling your fears and hashing out what you would like to say is writing a letter or outline beforehand.  You could even practice it with someone else, like doing a sort of role play.  It also might also be a good idea to approach your roommate at a time when she is not busy writing a paper, rushing out the door, or lying on the couch with her boyfriend.  A good time might be when you are all sitting around watching T.V. or just vegging out.  In addition, you might try to choose your words and attitude toward this situation carefully. No one likes to feel “attacked” so steering clear of hostile words and accusatory tones is generally a good idea.  Another idea is to elect one “speaker” in the group of roommates to further downplay the “ganging up” effect.  It might also be constructive to address the situation more from an emotional standpoint. For example, “Hey Grace, I’ve noticed that Jon has been showering here a few times a week and doing his laundry here on a weekly basis. This has made me feel really anxious because the extra cost to heat and run the water is really eating up my rent money.” In focusing on how the actions at hand are affecting your feelings, your roommate might be more apt to sympathize with you because she will realize she is affecting how you feel, rather than just your wallet.  After laying out the situation, and soliciting her feelings on the topics, you might try to collaboratively come up with solutions instead of telling her what you think she should do.  Perhaps you can suggest that next month, you divide up the heating and water bill to include an extra person. Or maybe your roommate can pay for a larger share of the cable bill. Whatever you decide on, it might be a good idea to write it down so no one forgets and it is clearly delineated.  Ending your discussion on a light note, like “Don’t worry, we won’t make you pay more for the air filters we use because Jon breathes here a lot,” is usually a good way to diffuse tension.  In some situations, it might feel “weird” for a little bit; money matters can be very awkward, especially when they involve friends.  Continuing to treat all of your roommates with respect and maintaining open communication can help your relationships and overall wellness get back on track. 

Ah, spring is in the air and images of bikinis and beautiful sunsets replace the dull monotony of midterms. Cancun, Cabo, Panama City, wherever your destination, Spring Break seems to have been invented for the college student. It does, pose a problem, however. Whether you have been in a relationship for 3 days, 3 months, or 3 years, if you and your lover are parting ways for this week of mayhem, shit is bound to hit the fan unless you apply plenty of love block.

While there are probably less than 2 percent of lovers who have complete and unfaltering trust in their other half, the rest of us delve into spring break debauchery with unequivocal doubt. What if Michael meets that drunken freshman hottie in a plaid bikini that just can’t say no? Oh no, my girlfriend is going to the same beach as the Varsity Basketball player who bumped into her towel clad on their freshman hall! These thoughts can plague even the most savvy of beach goers.

If communication will be a problem over the break, (email and phone access can be difficult) make sure to bring it up before you part. While this conversation can be awkward, I assure you that you aren’t the only half of the party having these thoughts. Keep it light hearted but come to a conclusion together of general, yet light, expectations. Spring break should be fun, and it can be even if you are hitched for the 7 days of delight. Instead of precursory accusations, just make your significant other aware of your potential worries, give them a chance to respond, then YOU listen to theirs.

Questions like “how would you feel if I danced with a stranger in a bar?” might be weird and sort of 6^th grade but they can get the conversation going. Ultimately, after the break, you will be ready to be back in the arms of that special someone. Time apart is a test in and of itself; the madness of spring break is more like Navy Seal training for the heart.

Have a little chat to get and stay on the same page. Be able to enjoy your vacation with a peace of mind. And if something does go awry, don’t freak. Talk it out calmly and sober, when you are both back together. Most importantly, HAVE FUN, down that virgin pina coloda ‘till the brain freeze don’t freeze no more, and wear a lot of sun block!!

          The video below is from a 1970s self-affirmation video entitled, “Free To Be… You and Me.”  I thought of it the other day when I was having a conversation with one of my male friends who was talking about ”how weird it was” that our professor got teary in class when talking about the death of a friend. This comment spawned a conversation about who it was acceptable to cry in front of and what things were ”worthy” of tears. My answer is always, “It’s alright to cry!” 

                When is the last time you took a class simply because you wanted to try something new? Have you tried a novel thing lately? Most likely the answer to both of these questions is no. It is often a struggle to fully experience emerging adulthood while at Emory.

Emerging adulthood is the period from the ages of 18-25, during which people are supposed to explore their identity and are free to try different lifestyles. Parsons (1942) describes our role during this time as a roleless one. We are not yet tied down to a family or profession and thus better able to take risks. During this time most people leave their parent’s home and live in different places from year to year. The focus of the emerging adulthood is not the future, rather on one’s current development and exploration is of utmost importance.

While at Emory, it is difficult to view your life in this way. Most people are either pre-med, pre-business, pre-law or at least questioning why they are not one of these. Talk about summer internships or the MCAT is rampant on campus. Our college experience is often seen as merely a stepping stone for the future. Since we have lots of GER’s it can be hard to even allow yourself to try new fields that may actually be your true passion. Yet, if we had this option, I question whether students would take advantage of it.

At Emory students do take advantage of one type of exploration, social exploration. Like most colleges, drinking and sexual experimentation are prominent here at Emory. This period in our lives is when we are able to freely partake in these activities with little worry of the consequences. Later in life this will no longer be possible.

College in America used to be more oriented towards finding yourself and deciding what you want to do with your life. It is now much more like the European system, where high school is where you figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life.

This transformation from a place of exploration to a place that is more career and future oriented needs to be noticed. Do you really know who you want to be and what you want to do for the rest of your life or are you merely molding yourself into the social norms? Think about this question seriously the next time you are picking your classes or figuring out what to do on a Saturday afternoon.

It started like any other flu I have ever had: pain behind my eyes, body aches, and a general feeling of utter crappiness.  It even progressed like a normal flu bug: fever, chills, nausea, and more feelings of utter crappiness. What a fantastic time to have the flu! With midterms approaching, and Valentines Day and other fun social events to attend, I resolved to beat this sucker into submission and keep plugging along. Until early one Monday morning, I had a 104 fever and my mother advised me to go to the Emergency Room, lest my brain fry like bacon. After a five-hour stint at the ER, I came out hydrated, X-rayed, and slapped with the diagnosis of “Viral Syndrome” just like “every other student seen in the last three weeks.”  With prescriptions for Vicodin (I don’t know why, because I didn’t complain of muscle pain) and 800mg ibuprofen in hand, I left thinking, “Good, now that’s over, I can get back to things.”  Man was I wrong.

I spent the next week sweating through my pajamas and intermittently attending class and meetings, all the while looking like a zombie from the Thriller video.  Finally, by Friday I couldn’t handle it anymore, I knew something was totally wrong.  I went to Student Health and Dr. Huey immediately sent me to get an X-ray which showed that I had a double pneumonia (meaning I had fluid in both of my lungs.)  He then sent me directly to the Emory Hospital where I spent the next three days getting IVs of fluids and antibiotics.  My first and last (hopefully) hospital stay.  Although the pneumonia might have been caught in the ER (they didn’t look at the X-ray until I left which showed a “possibility” of pneumonia) I walked around an entire week feeling atrocious. 

Now, the purpose of this anecdote is not to scare you into thinking that every ailment you have will land you in the hospital (although the flu has been particularly virulent this year and a Western Washington University student died of a rare (MRSA) pneumonia two weeks ago) or even to rag on Emory’s ER.  I wanted to share this story in order to question why I did not respond to my body earlier.  All over the country, and especially at Emory, students do the same thing I did: push aside illness to meet deadlines and maintain social relationships.  Whether it’s the flu, the recent gastrointestinal bug circulating Emory’s dorms or an unfortunate case of pneumonia, we feel like we can’t stop.  Had I sought help earlier in the week, I probably would not have ended up in the hospital.  But I just couldn’t bear to think that life would go on without me and I would end up completely overwhelmed. Maybe you feel like Student Health isn’t very helpful, you don’t have the time to go, or your body can cope.  But my story shows that we need to take the time to listen to our bodies because despite how many college students feel, we are not invincible.

Lessons learned from this experience: wash your hands, realize that feeling like hell for a week and a half is not normal, go to Student Health, and know that professors will understand and you will catch up if you take the time rest and heal.

Q: Is it possible to have a long distance relationship at Emory? Because mine’s driving me crazy.

Relationships in any college situation are more difficult than they were in high school. From an academic perspective, college is so demanding that it is sometimes difficult to prioritize the maintenance of our relationships. In addition to the anxiety of school, the social pressures and stressors only make things more difficult. Meeting new people drunk on Eagle Row, or even bumping into that unexpected stranger in a towel on your hall might throw a monkey wrench into your perfect idea of a relationship.

Considering all of this, having to deal with infinite issues on campus will certainly put strains on your relationship, be it a local relationship or long-distance. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is also in college, they are definitely experiencing the same things you are. Maybe it’s nice to find comfort in that, or it might scare you shitless. The last thing you might want to picture is your high school sweetheart bumping into the point guard of the basketball team in his towel on her hall. With so many unknowns about your partner’s social experience at college, you might begin to feel insecure. If you think that’s tough, try keeping the love alive with this: the phone. The phone is your portal to everything encompassing love in a long-distance relationship. From squeezing in time before class to say “I miss you” to filling each other in about your day, these small things are vital to your relationship’s success. The obnoxious part is, when on your twenty-seventh call of the day you run out of things to say. If the person were there, you could just tell them to shut up and cuddle, but unfortunately that’s not the case with long-distance relationships.

How to fix this? One of the most important things is to be honest with yourself and your significant other. It is important to have honest conversations about how both of you are doing and if the relationship is working well. The amount of communication is not as important as what you actually discuss. Maybe keep a phone schedule that’s more abbreviated than your calling plan allows. Your parents will thank you for the extra minutes, and you’ll be thanking yourselves as well. Longing to talk to your lover once or twice a day will keep excitement levels high, plus conversations won’t be dull. Use snail mail. A surprise in your mailbox will make your day, or quite possibly your week. Even better, throw a pair of underwear in the envelope to keep things interesting. Spice things up. Try not to get into too much of a routine. Plan an unexpected visit. AirtranU is a cheap way for students to fly. Try to web-cam once in a while. Seeing that special someone will remind you why you’re pushing through these hard times. After all of this effort, if love is still on the rocks, get the hell out! Don’t be afraid to try new things closer to home.

Good luck. We know it’s hard. Oh, and make sure your roommate isn’t around when you’re web-camming it.

College is a time of constant transition. New classes, new friends, new boundaries and new responsibilities perpetuate this trend. While change often results in positive growth and personal development it is often accompanied with stress and anxiety. This general college stress can be intensified by the atmosphere that dominates Emory’s campus.

Being a student at Emory allows constant opportunities to challenge oneself, expand one’s worldview and gain a greater understanding of the world around them. The prospects available to Emory students are numerous and the Atlanta area provides constant stimulation and opportunity. Emory students are typically highly motivated and take advantage of resources including study abroad opportunities, on-campus organizations, and Atlanta area internships. Yet in such a highly motivated atmosphere, all of our obligations can seem overwhelming and sometimes stifle self-exploration in favor of being on “the right track.”Emory gives us the chance to better ourselves and prepare for the future but how often do we think about bettering Emory and the community around us? It is important that we take a moment to reflect and work to improve that place that enables us to succeed down the road. Often the discussion of today is dominated by conversations focusing on workload or by the events of a previous weekend or a recent hook-up. While these issues are significant to the life of college students, we hope to help students develop coping mechanisms and become more aware and in-tune with various aspects of mental health and wellness. “Listening Ears at Emory” hopes to create a forum for conversation of these issues as well as others. As Peer Counselors we hope this blog provides an opportunity for us to moderate discussion as well as provide insight. We want to open up the floor to constructive discussion about the issues we face at Emory. Instead of “bitching” about what is wrong with out discussing solutions we are hoping we can open the floor to concerns (big and small) and try to work on finding answers. We will use our resources (the Counseling Center and Student Health) and field questions and topics about what’s concerning the Emory community. We are soliciting perspectives, and will possibly create controversy and hopefully elicit passion. Feel free to send thoughts, questions, opinions, raves and rants to emorylisteningears@gmail.com.